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Saturday, August 13, 2005

Peddy-gogy

What a splendid catch-all title for my forthcoming musings on the political campaign season (on which subject, what a shrewd Comment by the always excellent Jon Quitslund on page 5 of the latest Islander. More on this in a separate post).

I wish now I'd named this whole blog PeddyFogger - so much more accurate a summary of what I dish out ... and look how fashionable I'd have been what with the Code Enforcer joining the mayoral muckraking.

You realize of course that he's bound to win. Not just from the garish signs he's littering around but because he has this totally cool mnemoniker of a name that no one can possibly forget.

I mean, even me - I never  get out, I know no one in the neighborhood and those I do make me use the tradesman's entrance - but even I am picking up the buzz of 'power' sobriquets such as

  • Peddy-Phile. Obvious one that, for the home team supporters. Make a catchy campaign rosette.
    (Just so long as they enunciate clearly so it doesn't come out Peddy VILE   which won't be to anyone's advantage)
  • Peddy-Ment - shamelessly plagiarized by me for a post that itself fed off the inestimable Beat.
  • Peddy-Culus - Eeuww! I trust no one uses *that*. I wouldn't have applauded so loudly if I'd known what it meant at the time.
    (What they told *me* was that it meant "A fine head of hair". Who can you trust these days?)
  • Peddy-Fogger with which, as I say, I intend to leap on the bandwagon even if it takes changing my blog's name by deed poll.
    (I may need to check with the Coder's campaign office in case they have their own plans for it.)
  • As I say, even this early in the race, the Codeist looks set to triumph just from his malleable name.

    I mean, like I'm a treMendous  fan of Darlene's but no way can I contort her name into anything resembling a cool blog title. All I come up with is 'Caught onna Kordonowy?' as in "Caught onto Kordonowy? but one needs to pronounce it with a manly American slur as in 'Cordonner Kordonowy?' which my fluting Oxford tones can't manage.

    Anyway, we *have* all kordona Kordonowy 'cause we voted her in as Mayor.

    Or I could go freedom Frenchie and treat her like a Gour-Mayor with

    Kordon bleu fer yer, msieur? Votez Kordon-owy
    Nahh.

    My only other darlenist slogans play right into the Peddycule's hands:

    Cor! Doh! No way, Kordonowy! and, worse, Cor! Doh! No! - Why Kordonowy?

    Not at all what darlin' Darlene wants to hear on the hustings.

    SEX

    As if having a cool last name wasn't enough to whip up a storm of Peddy-Philia, the cunning intellectual is making lusty use of his *first* name in a ploy that can only lay on more votes.

    First message you get on the Coder's website is that tried 'n' trusty wink-wing-nudge-nudge

    WHERE THERE'S A WILL THERE'S A WAY
    (as the Actress said to the Bishop, wink nudge)

    Clearly a student of the Bard, Peddy is making ruthless good use of the fact that Shakespeare's Sonnets abound with bawdy connotations of the word, 'will'.

    Well he would, wouldn't he? I mean, if "chris" connoted "Jude Law-esome good looks-allied-to rapier wit-plus-voice like bass saxophones", I'd be chris crassing all over the place.

    Yes, indeed, once the message gets home, WP will be bound straight for that mayoral peddy-stal. (All I ask is that they refrain from cracking puns on election/erection. This is just the sort of winning ploy that marketing maven Ølsen will pull on the home stretch, so I'm appealing for fair play all round. OK, chaps?)

    Can you imagine the frisson that'll run thru the electorate as Jimmy Ølsen springs to His Liege's bidding, handing out roneo'd copies of key Sonnets complete with Cliff's Notes cheat sheets to "The Meanings of 'will' as they recur in the accompanying poems:

    1. Wish, desire; thing desired.
    2. Carnal desire, lust, sexual longing.
    3. The auxiliary verb denoting a future tense, as in 'it will be so, thou wilt vouchsafe'.
    4. Willfulness, obstinacy, determination.
    5. A slang term for the male sex organ. As in - 'this night he fleshes his will in the spoil of her honour'. AW.IV.iii.14.
    6. A slang term for the female sex organ
    What, both male *and* female organs? Cripes, that's a bit unfair!! How can Willie *possibly* lose with such double com-peddy-tive appeal to both  camps? Oh all right, ducky - all *three* camps)

    And how about "Fleshes his will in the spoil of her honour"?

    Is that not THE most perfect headline for our local rags to have ready for the glorious morning when, Her Honour Darlene's re-election bid resoundingly "spoiled", Peddy rides triumphantly down Winslow High (flanked by an escort of his policier cronies) to be crowned Mayor of all he surveys?

    'Where there's a "Will" there's a way', indeed, the randy old punster. Speaking of wordplay, I *must* have a word with the experts down at the Lusty Lady. See how they feel about running a marquee on the day,

    WAY TO GO, "WILL"

    (I should go into the headline coining business full time. I sense a definite talent there ....)

    Right, mes enfants ... mes lecteurs adorés (even the 'cello makers) ... now to draft my other electoral eulogy (wherein I salute Mr Quitslund - not a name, mind you, to go electioneering on against the organic Peddy-cel - and sing the praises of the public-spirited Steve Gardner for a timely notice beyond compare).


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