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Friday, July 29, 2005



I've had my eye on that Miss Winfrey ever since she idiotically disgraced herself before European gentry.

Her yesterday's show produced a look on the dumpy diva's face that was pure heaven to witness.

The victim guest was a lady who'd spun such pathological fibs in her time that her pals had dumped her, wanting no more contact.

lisaTrue to form, Oprah put her through the usual disingenuous questioning, allowed the camera a moment to home in on the statutory cathartic blubbing, and then performed the party trick we'd all been waiting for - summoning the aforesaid estranged pals from behind a curtain for Madame Liar to stammer out her mea culpas. Following this, the script called for her to collapse into the arms of her forgiving pals and receive final benediction and closure from the saintèd Chatterene herself.

christine & michelleThank goodness for pal Michelle [right] who was having none of this showbiz shrinkery. She just wanted to point out that:

  • So what if the fork-tongued Lisa was coming clean in front of all those cameras and bright lights and gawping studio audience? Big deal.
  • What assurance did any of them have that LIsa wouldn't revert straight back to her old tricks the moment she got home?
  • Winfrey's expression was a picture:

    She wants assurance ? Here in the Tabernacle of Television ... in the holy Presence? Was Michelle seriously suggesting that words bathed in the sacred spotlight and blessed by the enobling lens were not as binding and immortal as the Tablets descended from the mountain?? Lèse majesté!

    I expected the settee to roll back and the studio floor to open for Michelle to go tumbling into a vat of molten pitch.

    Finally Oprah found her words, but all she could manage through her shocked indignation was strident reminders to Lisa that she was On Television ... after which life can never be the same blah blah ... everything she'd owned up to had been witnessed by millions ... she wouldn't be able to go to the supermarket without people singling her out ... et cetera.

    Michelle continued to look unconvinced.

    Not a bad candidate for my "Vainglorious" file, subsection "The Telly".

    And just wait for September when Winfrey intends to re-make a national twat of herself by resurrecting her Hermès humiliation on her new season's show.

    Good times.

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