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Saturday, November 26, 2005

Basement Bargain

Black 'n' blue Friday as shoppers grunt 'n' grapple for cheapo bargains.

TV news angle it as unruly greed and you know what? They're right.

All year these fatso lards of junk food gobblers knock back the freedom fries and colas and scoff at hints of obesity. Come bargain barging time, when it'd help to have half a wheeze's worth of wind to carry them thru the glass doors, in waddle these pear-shaped blobs, only to be laid flat on their multi chins at the slightest nudge off kilter.

I say ha ha, and back to your nachos and chips and stretch-panted wheezing for the remote.

You want to look like Jabba the Hutt? Fine.

Just don't act so indignant and surprised that your annual cantilevering off the recliner hasn't delivered a sylph-like sprinter to the sales.

I watched some of those roly-poly shoppers in action today and, unlike one of the security guards who had to avert his eyes from the sheer rotunda of fleshly horror, I found the mélée absolutely hilarious.

In comparison, those redneck monster truck duels are twinkle-toed pas-de-deux of the most gyroscopic delicate.

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