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Saturday, September 17, 2005

How to Blog

I wish I'd stuck to my original intention and kept my postings snappy.

I had in mind terse diarist entries such as by the likes of Evelyn Waugh.

No waffling, just what counts:

"Went to Pixton yesterday week and found Laura [wife] in excellent health and her baby also.

My children were much in evidence and boring."

Or:

"August 15, 1945, Ickleford Hitchin

Peace declared. Public holiday. Remained more or less drunk all day. Collected the boy Auberon at the Eldons and drive him to Ickleford. He behaved very politely."

Or:
"Regretfully come to the conclusion that the boy Auberon is not yet a suitable companion for me.

Yesterday was a day of supreme sacrifice. I fetched him from Highgate, took him to up the dome of St Paul's, gave him a packet of triangular stamps, took him to luncheon at the Hyde Park Hotel, took him on the roof of the hotel, took him to Harrods ... took him back to Highgate, in a state (myself, not the boy) of extreme exhaustion. My mother said, "Have you had a lovely day?" He said: 'A bit dull.' So that is the last time for some years I inconvenience myself for my children."

Or:

"Had a very enjoyable evening getting drunk at the House of Commons, with Hollis & Fraser and the widow Hartington (who is in love with me I think)."

Borrowing from such succinctness, how well I could have recorded this evening's encounter at the liquor mart:

Parked the Volvo next to a puissant and kempt BMW motorbike. I enter the store and select a bottle of Vouvray and budget bottle of sake .

It is clear from his biker gear and helmet (which he has not removed) to whom the BMW belongs.

I stand behind him in the queue and notice that one of his purchases is a bottle of ouzo.

I catch his eye and gesture to my own shopping basket: "Ouzaki [Greek diminutive for ouzo] ... Ozeki [the brewers of my sake]."

He gives me a cautious thumbs-up.

(Why can't I be such a strong silent type, spurning words?)

I exit and toss my bottles into the rear seat. He takes his time packing his own purchases in the saddle box.

Turns to me: "Καλο Ταξιδι"  ("Travel safe")

Class act.

All I need is practice:

"Regretfully come to the conclusion that the girl MIranda is not yet a suitable companion for me.
Yesterday was a day of supreme sacrifice. I fetched her from Queen Anne, took her to Bumbershoot, gave her an iPod, took her to luncheon at Burger King, took her to the Dylan exhibit at the Musical Experience, took her to Nordies where she bought all manner of flimsy garments of quite unsuitable transparency ... took her back to Queen Anne, in a state (myself, not the babe) of extreme exhaustion. Her sister enquired, "So, good day?" She said: 'Whatever.' So that is the last time for some years I inconvenience myself for my children
."

Or:

"Had a very enjoyable evening strumming at Bagels & Beans, with Larry and Eddie and that hot chick Kristina (who is defiantly unattracted to me, drat)."
I'll get the hang of it.


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