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GARDNERIA

Here's where I *really* wish I could link to the story because the point I'm making is entirely pictorial.

The civic-minded Steven Gardner, knowing what Looksists we all are and how much store is placed on political candidates actually looking the part, very sensibly ran side-by-side photos of two mayoral candidates.

The captions ran Peddy * Berry, which prompted my breakfast companion to ask,

"Peddyberi? Isn't that what you came down with in Hyderabad last year when you were *meant* to be picking me out a pretty sari?"

I've wheezed about it before and I still can't see how it can be good for the country to show an attractive personable presidential character on TV when the present White House incumbent appears nightly on our screens, shriveling in stature both moral and physical, his voice sounding like one of those toys that boffins like Adrian Simpson hack into ... all compounded by that silly  beaky nose (that I hear Tony and Cherie poke  the most marvelous fun at over Downing Street dinner parties, passing round the Plasticine with prizes for the closest imitations.)

I wager that our Ambassador to the Court of St James is NOT among the guest list.

Looking the part

Yes, indeed. That essential bella figura  so vital in politics.

I don't mind telling you that with each sighting of that vulgar signage that the Peddyphiles are spreading across the landscape, I couldn't help trying to picture this code enforcer turned pol.

And what sort of name *is* Peddy anyway? Deuced rum one, that's for sure.

Not the sort of upfront, damn-your-britches, cards-on-the-table, 'good man in a jam' name *I* look for in a mayor.

I'm surprised the blighter didn't change it.

That Scandiwegian butler of his - Olaf? Ølsen? - why didn't he set him straight? That's the trouble with outsourcing - I mean, damn'd fine combo Abba, lovely songs and all that, but I wouldn't recruit my #2 from the populace.

Badly advised there, Pedders. A good batman's hard to find.

Anyway, there I was thinking all those ungentlemanly thoughts when up springs Steve Gardner and puts me out of my misery with a pic of Signor Peddy.

With Tweety, I can now truthfully  avow that

Anyway, my point is that it really is so-o important to know what these blighters look like. God knows what it must have been like in the old days when you cast your vote on the strength of some cheesy manifesto and then found yourself landed with the  most shifty looking cove imaginable, hooded eyes, smug sneer - spitting image of one of those Mississippi gamblers that Nanny told us to stay well clear of.