busker

T'error alert

Your country needs me.

Dubya's swingmeisters have it right: keep the populace skeered and on your toes til election time so you daren't swap guardians.

Timing, media savvy and a genial acquaintance with the truth is called for. I have impeccable credentials, having recently been licensed by Parthenon Inc, my alma mater of the past 6 years, to freely explore new job opportunities.

First off, acknowledge the enemy noun 'terrorism' with endless cunning, able to pounce at any moment but liable to change plans at the first inkling that the forces of good have rumbled them.

• Ram home the need for trust and remind one and all that any flagging of confidence is a sure sign of lack of 'patriotism'.
• Time these warnings so as to *almost* tax credulity
• Have as yr front man someone like Master Ridge who unquestionably taxes credulity and who is clearly such a joke that he has to possess reynardine cunning
• Buy a large map of the country and schedule such alerts to evenly affect the smooth running and patience of city dwellers across this great nation of yours
• Assign a team to monitor top secret intelligence such as is only avail on CNN or Drudge
• Take a leaf out of the Blair coloring book and 'sex up' yr reports
• Look grave on TV and utter veiled threats about failure to heed

I have over 10 years' experience in the puffery business, an active imagination and literary skills sufficient to transform even the most pedestrian report into breathless prose. I was going to use 'deathless' but of course death*ful* is the required threatening resonance here.